I'm jealous of people that are comfortable.
I remember Lade, my waec friend. First time I saw Lade, I was intrigued. She's what they call "a looker", and she knew it - that's what made her so fascinating. I've met a lot of pretty girls that'd rather pretend they don't know how beautiful they are or the effect they have on people. Not Lade, she knew it and basked in it. That was my first sign to know that Lade was straightforward, definitely not a pretender.
I remember Lade, we spoke about everything and anything - mostly boys. The few times we spoke about our future, she used to say I looked like someone that was going to go about achieving big things, like I wanted so much from life. I asked her what did she want for herself and she said "Me? After waec, if I get into university. I'll graduate and then work in my mom's office (Her mom was a banker), or I will be a secretary. Afterwards, I will get married. Let me be enjoying my husband"
I didn't need to say anything, but she knew from my face that I felt that wasn't fulfilling enough, but the thing is, Lade isn't me. To her, that was the best plan and she was happy thinking about it all day. I didnt get it.
Took me 6 years to accept Lade's truth. Before then, I had met a couple of people like Lade in the university, and I still didn't get it.
Don't we all want to move and shake the world? Don't we all want to do it all? As smart as I claim to be, it never clicked to me that it will never be possible for everyone to be the same. In a world full of movers and shakers, we need the happy-go-lucky content guys, the ones that are okay with going about their day, albeit in a routine-like manner. The ones that want to "be". Simply put, we all can't be movie stars, some of us will have to watch our movies and be happy about it - or bash it.
Honestly, I wish I was like them. I like to call them the comfortable people. To know what you want from life, and go the straight way to achieve it, to be so content and happy. Maybe, I won’t be so riddled with anxiety if I was a little like them. Maybe I’d actually be getting something done if I didn’t spend half of my day thinking of how I’m getting old and I haven’t achieved much. Maybe, I won’t die a little inside anytime I see my mates actually moving and shaking things.
Maybe, just maybe, I'll be fulfilled.
One of my biggest fears is that I'll never be fulfilled, that is why I spent my time on a Tuesday evening searching Facebook and Instagram for Lade. A part of me was hoping she hasn't figured it all out, and probably felt her goals weren't goals enough, instead as I clicked on her profile I'm greeted by a portrait of a young family of 3, and I'm bawling my eyes out.
Lade did it, I still haven't.
She got the comfortable job she wanted, husband she wanted and adorable child she is constantly doting over.
And I'm still in Ojodu Berger, the world doesn't know me yet.
Oh to be comfortable, but it's a little too late for that.
Now, I have to keep pushing till I feel a tiny bit of fulfilment. Lade has taught me that it is possible to feel fulfilled, I don't know if that's a thing for people like me - but I'll make sure it is, atleast I'll die trying.
Hi’ya! I’m Temini and I like to write random things. I’m trying to be more consistent with writing out things that cross my mind, instead of letting them dwell in my head. Hopefully I’ll be consistent with this, or die trying haha.
Thank you for reading! Don’t be shy to drop a comment if you liked this or if you spot any typo and the likes.